


Where's the Light I Use to Know?

by Mikkal



Series: Sleep Like Dead Men. Wake Like Dead Men. [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Eddie lives!, Hurt/Comfort, Iris West Defense Squad, Linda Park Defense Squad, Low Self-Worth, Multi, OT3, OT3: Westhallen, Season 2 AU, Self-Harm, Westhallen - Freeform, asexual!Barry Allen, no Cobalt Blue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkal/pseuds/Mikkal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just a few months after the Singularity Event and things seems to be going all right.</p>
<p>Or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where's the Light I Use to Know?

There’s a gunshot. Then there’s not. There’s blood. Then there’s a clean white shirt. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. The world crumbles. The world shatters.

 

            He’s still not fast enough. It happened once. It happens again. Always.

 

**[…]**

 

Iris twists the key in the lock and lets herself in, dropping her purse on the ground just inside the door way and frowning. The only light on is the dim one above the stove and the curtains are drawn close. If Barry could get migraines she’d believe that he’s suffering from one, she’s been witness to Eddie’s often enough to know some of the telltale signs of them.

 

            “Barry?” she calls into the silence. “You here?”

 

            There’s no answer, but she doesn’t really expect one anyway. He’s never here when she comes by, he’s never here when Eddie visits, and he’s never here when literally everyone else stops by.  If it weren’t for the fact she saw him sign the paperwork for this apartment (she saw by happenstance of course), she’d wonder if he even lived here. There’s also the duffle on the couch, clothes spilling out of it, and the unwashed dishes in the sink, proof of living—or, er, surviving, more likely.

 

            She keeps coming back with the hope that he’ll be here one day, sleeping like she knows he’s not, relaxing like she knows he’d _definitely_ not. Ever since Eobard Thawne’s disappearance he’s been splitting his time among the ragtag STAR Labs, the CCPD, the city itself, and _sometimes_ his new apartment, working himself into an early grave. He’s stopped hanging out with any of them; Cisco and Caitlin were the ones to approach her and Eddie two weeks ago about it—worried. They had only brought up something Iris had been ruminating on for a while and even Eddie voiced that he noticed Barry’s been avoiding him and her dad at work.

 

            Her phone rings as she crosses the apartment to the fridge. She answers it when she pulls open the door, eyeing the lack of food inside. “West.”

 

            “Hey, Iris.”

 

            Iris grins. “Hey. What’s up?”

 

            There’s shuffling on the other end before Eddie answers. “I made the reservations for tonight. Three people, incase you see Barry, or I see him, and we can force him to eat with us. We still good for it?”

 

            “Of course.” She closes the door after tossing something expired into the trash that’s mostly full of take out—not even a lot of take out, definitely not enough to sustain a speedster. “How’s work?”

 

            “Slow. One major jewelry robbery that the Flash has already stopped and delivered the perpetrators to us. A fire that the Flash also stopped and, of course, the dozen of reports of the Flash stopping petty crimes and small muggings. The tag is blowing up on twitter.” He sighs, deep and heavy. “I’m really worried about him.”

 

            “Me too.”

 

            “Where are you?”

 

            “His place.”

 

            “Just as empty as usual?”

 

            She nods even though she knows he can’t see her. “Yeah. He’s been here recently, there’s a duffle on the couch I didn’t see the other day I was here. Did you see it yesterday?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Okay, so proof he’s been here between then and now.” She yanks the ties close on the trash bag and sets it just outside the apartment door to take out later. “Did you get the present? He sent me flowers and a new code for my tablet.” With Mason dead, the CCPN has been giving her more and more assignments, and she needs better security on all her electronics. 

 

            “Yeah, he sent me _The Boys on the Boat_ and flowers too. Blue Irises.”

 

            “Purple.” She shakes her head. “Is he there?”

 

            “Yeah. He’s up in his lab running some tests that got forward here from the Starling City Police. Something happened to their systems and they needed them done soon.”

 

            “Have you seen him?”

 

            “No, he’s been running all over the building and city. I think he even stopped at Starling at one point, got me and Joe lunch. I didn’t see him put it on my desk.”

 

            Because that’s how it’s been for the past two months. Barry avoids most of them to the best of his ability—the only times he can’t are when he stops by STAR Labs, but never for very long, and when he works with her dad, Eddie, and Singh—but then is overly giving in gifts, like he’s trying to apologize without actually seeing them or saying the two key words.

 

            The only thing she can think he’s apologizing for it his distant attitude, but the best best way to apologise for that would be to actually stop being distant. She has no idea if he’s trying to apologize for anything else and if he is, what for?

 

            “You eat that lunch yet?” she asks, picking up her purse and slinging it on her shoulder.

 

            “Yeah, I missed breakfast.” Oh, that’s right. That may have been her fault and now she’s going to have to go for a run tomorrow morning, but it had been worth it.

 

            She locks the door behind her and pauses before she picks up the trash bag. “’kay. I’m going to a late lunch with Linda. I’ll meet you at home when you get off?”

 

            “Of course.” She can practically hear the smiles and love radiating off him. Iris has no idea what she’d do without him. “Love you.”

 

            “Love you too. Stay safe.”

 

            Iris shoves her phone back into her purse and hefts up the trash bag. She doesn’t _have_ to do this—from the information she, Cisco, Caitlin, Eddie, and her dad have complied together during some of their nights at the West house for dinner, Barry does know how to take care of himself most of the time. She just feels useless, she can’t do anything other than occasionally check in on his apartment. He’s too fast to corner and talk to.

 

            She tosses the trash bag in the dumpster and hikes over to her car. Barry had picked an apartment complex on the farthest edge of the city limits, much to everyone’s annoyance. Unfortunately he hadn’t been around often enough or long enough for anyone to convince him otherwise. So, it takes her forty minutes to make it to the restaurant to meet Linda. She passes ten different Flash symbols graffitied on the walls of passing buildings, one of them with the anti symbol spray painted over it, and she counts twenty people with a Flash shirt on, two with hats, one with a bag, and she manages to spot one person showing off a tattoo on their arm.

 

            It’s both amusing and unbelievable (with a hint of pride) to see so much dedication to the Flash. If Iris had been asked even two years ago that her best friend was going to be a superhero and loved by a city that he saves on a daily bases, she would say ‘drop the ‘super’ part of superhero and I believe you,’ but now he can run fast enough to travel in time and he’s a _super_ hero with a fan base on twitter and tumblr and so many Facebook pages that she’s not even sure he knows about most of them.

 

            …And he’s a superhero who’s basically killing himself the longer he goes without interacting with any of his friends or taking care of himself properly. It worries her and disturbs her at the same time. Worry is a given, the disturbed comes from the fact that he’s _never_ acted like this before. Even when they decided they needed space back when she didn’t know he’s the Flash and the number of times they got into fights when they were kids, avoiding each other was never a thing they could actually do.

 

            Iris pulls into the parking lot and sighs, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. She has no idea what to do, at all. She definitely doesn’t think she can continue to go through her days like nothing is wrong. Because that’s how it’s going, yes she worries about Barry and they take turns going to his apartment like he’s on some sort of vacation. But when was the last time she went to the bar with her best friend? Or had coffee with him? Or dinner, lunch, breakfast? When was the last time she actually had a face-to-face conversation with him?

 

            This isn’t healthy for _any_ of them.

 

            A knock on her window makes her jump and she looks up to see Linda grinning at her, waving slightly. She opens the door and climbs out. “Hey, sorry I’m late.”

 

            “Was Barry there?” she asks knowingly. Her smile drops to a small frown even before Iris shakes her head. “Yeah, figured.” She loops their arms together and leads her through the door. “How do you stage an intervention for the fastest man alive?”

 

            “You can’t, that’s the problem.”

 

            Linda figured it out on her own, that Barry is the Flash, after he closed the singularity, and life became so much better when she did. Iris likes the trio of her, Linda, and Caitlin. It’s like the Felicity, Thea, and Laurel trio in Starling (who is sometimes a quartet with Lyla coming into the mix), she likes having friends that she can talk about _anything_ with.

 

            They’re seated rather quickly, near the windows in the front in view of the park. Iris slides her purse under her chair with her foot, glancing out the window as she does so. A flash of blue catches her eye, but when she turns to look nothing’s there.

 

            “What is it?”

 

            Iris shakes her head. “Nothing. Someone’s car.” She turns back to Linda, smiling as brightly as she can. “So what happened this morning at work?”

 

            “Oh my God, you’re not going to believe this.”

 

**[…]**

 

Cisco drops the stylus and shakes out his hand, but that doesn’t stop the minute trembles going through his fingers. “Damn it.” He curls one hand into a fist, gripping his wrist tightly. This isn’t the first time this has happened and there’s a terrible chance they’re connected to his dreams, somehow, some way.

 

            His dreams of dying, like he did in the other timeline that Barry inadvertently erased except didn’t, but now there’s Eddie too, dying with blood on his chest and Iris screaming his name. Eobard Thawne flakes away like Voldemort’s terrible death and Barry’s desperately gasping for air.

 

            He wants to believe it’s a past timeline, but then he remembers that he can see possible future timelines as well and he hopes, hopes with all his heart, that this isn’t one of them. He _likes_ Eddie and Iris. And he has to believe nothing bad would ever happen to either of them or Barry.

 

            But with the way Barry’s acting maybe it really is a past timeline.

 

            “You okay?”

 

            Cisco smiles at Caitlin, probably wobblier and bitterer than he wants but it matches pretty well with the whole mood of the past two months. “Not really, but I’m still thinking it over. I’ll let you know.”

 

            She peers at him searchingly and seems satisfied with what she sees. “Fair enough.” She pulls over a chair, ending up shorter than Cisco since he’s on a high stool. “Tell me what you see with this.” She presents a tablet full of the STAR Labs finances and bank accounts.

 

            “I see less money in STAR Labs than I’ve ever seen,” he answers truthfully. “What about it?”

 

            Caitlin swipes to a screen with money transfers from the past two years. “These transfers are all from Dr. Wells—Eobard Thawne’s accounts into STAR Labs. Then they’re immediately used to buy large quantities of fast food and such.”

 

            “For Barry,” he realises.

 

            She nods. “And for himself when his connection to the Speed Force got stronger. But now that he’s no longer here to transfer.” She swipes back to the STAR Labs main accounts. “We’re not selling anything to anyone, we’re not receiving funding or grants from the government. The numbers are at an all time low.”

 

            Cisco blinks. “Wait. There hasn’t been an usage since before the singularity.” He meets Caitlin’s wide-eyed look and he realises what she’s pointing out. “How is Barry eating?”

 

            “That’s the question of the age,” she says. “He can’t be. He’s not eating enough. That means all these rescues? He’s going to drop soon, and with how he’s acting we won’t be there for the fallout.”

 

            “Jesus Christ.” He runs a hand through his hair. (Guilt, maybe?—Barry, does he feel guilty?) “What are we suppose to do? We can’t catch the fastest man alive if he doesn’t want to be caught.”

 

            She shrugs. “Let me text Eddie and see what he’s noticed.” They wait in silence for the answer, staring at the phone in her hand. It comes surprisingly quick. “He says food magically appears on their desks, but Eddie says he hasn’t seen Barry actually eat. His face is getting thin.”

 

“I noticed that too.”

 

Caitlin sighs. “ Me too. We can call a meeting for tomorrow night, let them know what’s going on and discuss options? There _has_ to be one point where we can hold him down and actually talk…if he even wants to talk, it’s pretty obvious he hasn’t wanted to lately.”

 

            “Ugh, tell me about it.” Cisco grabs up his stylus again to cover up his hand’s shaking, fisting his jeans in the other hand.

 

            “Cisco,” she says knowingly. “What’s wrong?” She locks the tablet and sets it to the side, turning more so she head on with him. “I know you want to figure it out on your own, but we don’t do that here, remember? I want to help, we’re the helping sort of team.”

 

            He snorts. “Yeah, we’re very ‘team’ like right now. Our heavy hitter won’t talk to us for more than ten minutes, barely sees the love of his life and Eddie.” He glances at her, frowning. “Yeah, ‘team’ isn’t the word I’d use.”

 

            She sighs, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I know, I know.” She closes her eyes briefly. “But you’re my friend, you were my friend long before any of this happened, and I think I’d know when something is bothering you. We don’t want to act too late.”

 

            “True,” he admits. He takes a deep breath, dropping his stylus again and holds out his hand to show the shaking. “Eobard…he apologized to me.” He grins humorlessly. “Not for killing me, but for the fact that I could see an alternate timeline.”

 

            [“ _Don’t be afraid, Cisco. A great and honorable destiny awaits you now. I only hope that as you’re living a great adventure, that you remember who gave you that life. And that it was given out of love_.”]

 

            Cisco swallows thickly at the memory, still feeling the rolling sickness in his stomach months later. “But it’s more than that.” He flips his palm over and shows her the bandage on his left hand. “I reached for a glass this morning and it exploded, like what Hartley’s gloves did.” She grabs his hand, stretching it out to get a closer look at the crooked Band-Aid. “It wasn’t deep, but it freaked me out. Eobard said…he said I was affected by the particle accelerator, when it went off. But I wasn’t,” he looks at her hopefully. “I wasn’t, I would remember. Bette described it as a rush of euphoria and she was barely conscious, all I felt was dread that night.”

 

            She shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you,” she says apologetically. “There’s only so much I can research when it comes to the situation we’ve found ourselves. It could be the residual energies in the air are slowly going to start affecting more people as they absorb it throughout their days, or it could be you weren’t given powers directly by the shockwave, but certain energies triggered something in you.”

 

            Cisco blinks slowly at her. “That last one,” he says. “You’ve never mentioned that theory before.”

 

            “I didn’t think about it until I took blood and DNA samples from Eddie, Iris, and Linda.” She picks up her tablet again, typing something in. “This is Iris’.” She points out a piece of information that means nothing to him. “She’s got a gene here that I’ve only seen on Eddie, Shawna, and Bivolo. Linda doesn’t have that gene, neither does Barry.” She swipes to a new screen. “This is mine. I don’t have that anomaly. You do, though.”

 

            “A…a metagene, maybe?”

 

            “It has to be recessive until triggered by something,” Caitlin theorizes. “I don’t know. I can’t do tests. If you do have powers and Barry has powers, you’d be great sounding boards for metagene and no metagene. Iris and Eddie have no powers and a metagene, Linda has no powers and no gene.”

 

            “I could have powers because I could have a metagene that was triggered by the energies that were released,” he summarizes thoughtfully, pressing his thumb gently against the Band-Aid. “I mean, it makes sense. I just, I don’t understand how I’m suppose to deal with this.”

 

            “With me,” Caitlin says sincerely, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from pressing down. “Cisco, you have me to help you figure this out. Eddie, Iris, Linda, Joe. You’ve got all of us and, when we finally get Barry out of his funk, he’ll be there, too.”

 

            He smiles slightly. “One problem at a time, right?”

 

            She shakes her head. “Not one at a time, but at the same time. We’re not going to put this at the backburner to focus on Barry’s problems or anyone else’s. I promise.”

 

            Cisco smiles a little brighter, feeling a weight shift on his shoulders, his whole body lighter. He takes her hand and squeezes it lightly in thanks.

 

            The alarms start blaring, loud and bright, but before either of them can react, Barry’s in the middle of the cortex, his knee buckling under his weight, a hand clamped over his shoulder. He opens his mouth to say something, blood dribbles from the corner of his lips instead. He meets Cisco’s eyes before dropping to the ground stone still. Cisco freezes at the sight, eyes wide in shock.

 

            Caitlin leaps to her feet, crying out Barry’s name. She dashes to his side, her hand going to the hole in his shoulder that’s now bleeding freely with his hand no longer putting on pressure. Cisco runs to grab the gurney, wheeling it closer, and helps her lift the speedster up on it.

 

            He slides off Barry’s hood, undoing the straps that keeps it connected to his collar, and just tosses it to the side. That’s when he get’s a good look at the bullet burn on his cheek, the crack along his nose, the blood on his lips, the mat of blood in his hair. Cisco goes back for the helmet, clicking his tongue when he realises he hasn’t worked on the damn suit in two months, he hasn’t fixed tears or brittleness—which he _knew_ was going to happen to the helmet eventually, it’s a new untested material, just like the tripolymer of the suit—there’s a crack in the helmet, right where the blood is, and the face mask is broken.

 

            Caitlin unbuttons the jacket, pulling down the hidden zipper, and yanking the sides apart to reveal deep, dark colored bruising along his chest and stomach. She makes an annoyed and frustrated noise in the back of her throat.

 

            “God damnit,” she mutters. “This is what happens if you don’t eat!” she tells the unconscious body of their friend. “You’re probably not sleeping too, you’re slower and you don’t heal! What happen to being faster than a speeding bullet, huh?”

 

            He helps her move Barry, his limbs disturbingly limp like a broken doll, and puts pressure on the gunshot wound like she tells him too. “You spend so much time avoiding us,” he says quietly. “Until you need us.” He refuses to let his voice break when he continues with, “How am I suppose to take that? I thought we were friends?”

 

            Barry moans softly, enough pain in his voice that Cisco immediately feels a little guilty (but he won’t let go of how bitter he feels, no one’s told him he’s being unreasonable yet, and he has a feeling no one will). His eyes flutter ever-so-slightly, his head lolling to the side. His eyes are half-open, eerily bright with pain and tears.

 

            “Barry,” Caitlin says quietly. Cisco glances up, surprised to see tears in her eyes. He’s about to ask why she looks so devastated when she asks, “How old are these bruises?”

 

            He twists his neck so his head rolls, looking up at her through dark eyelashes. “…three,” he whispers, “three weeks.” A tear slips down his cheek. “’m sorry,” he mumbles, his eyes fluttering close. “’m sorry.”

 

            “Cisco.”

 

            He looks to where Caitlin’s holding shifting Barry up to get the exit wound, a large, white scar marring his shoulder. Cisco swallows. That’s not one of the scars Barry had before he became the Flash (and he had quite a few). Barry’s gotten to the point of malnourishment his body is no longer healing the way it’s supposed to.

 

            “Oh, Barry.”

 

**[…]**

 

Eddie drops the filled out paperwork into the ‘done’ box and pulls out another case file. In the time it takes for him to open an email from Officer Jensen the ‘done’ box is empty, the ‘not done’ pile is an added two inches taller, some of his papers are drifting to the ground, and there’s a cup of hot coffee sitting on his desk where there had been an empty bottle of orange juice.

 

            He smiles faintly and glances over at Joe’s desk to see coffee there too, papers fluttering around. He’s still in Singh’s office, but he’ll sure appreciate the gesture—would probably like more if Barry actually presented it in person without his speed. They would all appreciate it. The last time him and Barry spoke more than two words to each other that wasn’t about work was…before the singularity, before _everything_ went wrong.

 

            “Yo, Thawne, Saab got some info about your jewelry robbery. Check your inbox.”

 

            He literally just checked it, why always after he does something does it happen? Eddie snorts and pulls it up, shifting through the information. It’s all useless. They already have the perpetrators, the Flash wrapped them up no problem this morning. They were part-time employees with no priors and no motivation to actually commit the crime. It makes no sense.

 

            Folders slap his shoulder and he jerks to see Joe go by to sit down at his desk. “How’d that go?” he asked, gesturing to the office.

 

            Joe takes a long drink of his coffee before answering. “Actually pretty well. Singh is gung-ho about dismantling the taskforce and possibly creating a whole department for it.”

 

            “That’s going to take a lot of cooperation,” he notes.

 

            “With the Flash Appreciation Day planned the Mayor is hoping to get Keystone and Starling in on it.” He shuffles some of his folders, trying to look busy without actually doing anything. “Starling, probably not. They’re still recovering from the terrorist attack that our friends stopped.”

 

            Eddie snorts. “Does he have an idea of what it’s going to be called?”

 

            “None yet, but he wants us in on it,” Joe says. Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee. How can Singh still want him on some sort of metahuman taskforce after he spent all that time fighting for one only to change his mind nearly a week ago?  “He wants Barry, too.”

 

            He glances up at his partner. “Does he know that Barry’s been in a funk?” That’s an understatement, but if Singh doesn’t know about him being the Flash then all Singh’s going to know is understatements.

 

            “Uh-huh. I think he knows more than that, but he’s not talking.”

 

            Eddie’s phone beeps with a message. His eyebrow rises at Caitlin’s name at the top. Most of the time, out of the two of them, Cisco texts him way more often than her. “Hey, have you see Barry eat? Iris and I noticed he doesn’t eat as much as normal, the trash in his apartment is never as full as it should be.”

 

            Joe shakes his head. “I haven’t. I’ve dropped sandwiches off in his lab every now and then. I think he eats them, but it’s never enough. What brought this up?”

 

            “Caitlin’s asking.” He texts her back with a negative. “How long until Singh thinks he can get this new department up and running?”

 

            “He’s predicting a month to convince the mayor of Keystone.”

 

            “West! Thawne! We’ve got 911 calls from the Gold Hotel.”

 

            Eddie leaps to his feet and grabs his jacket just as he feels a whoosh of air go by, the hairs on his neck standing on end. “There goes the Flash,” he comments as he and Joe rush down the stairs with a dozen of uniformed officers. “Someone must’ve tweeted about it.”

 

            The crime will be over and the bad guys in handcuffs long before Joe and Eddie get there. He’s not complaining too much—with the Flash’s newfound determination and strategy, petty and major crimes are at an all time low, and the solve rates have increased drastically. The only reason he has reservations about this is because he can _see_ the stress this has on Barry, thin face, pale skin, bags under his eyes, and a dullness to everything about him that has people scrambling. He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep.

 

            Eddie _knows_ the younger man still loves Iris with everything in his heart, but he hasn’t even bothered talking to her about anything. And he likes to think he and Barry were close to _something_ before is great-great-plus grandson kidnapped him.

 

            But that’s all fallen apart and now his closest friend is slowly killing himself.

 

            Surprisingly enough, they arrive just as the Flash is tying up the criminals, moving a few seconds slower than normal. One of them is squirming in his binds, the mask pulled on top of his head to give Eddie free range to see the panicked expression on his face.

 

            “I didn’t mean to! I swear. He was going so fast and suddenly he _wasn’t._ I didn’t want to shoot, but I _did_. I didn’t think I’d actually hit him!”

 

            Eddie’s eyes snap to Barry just as he stumbles, staggering to the left, his hand clamping over his shoulder. Their eyes meet and, for a moment Eddie sees a spark of light that’s been missing—but there’s pain and guilt and regret. He can’t read anything then because Barry’s gone in the blink of an eye.

 

            “I didn’t mean to!”

 

            “Shut up,” Joe growls, hefting him up. To Eddie he says, “The Flash’s smart enough to know this is when he needs actual medical attention despite his attitude lately.” There’s a worry in his eyes, though.

 

            That’s exactly what he’s worried about, that Barry won’t. The number of times he’s found blood-stained towels in his apartment is worrying. He’s heard through the Flash tag he stalks and witness statements about some of the injuries the Flash has acquired and a GSW might not make the cut for actual medical attention.

 

            Eddie hesitates for a long moment. How much trouble would he get in if he left this to Joe and the officers so he can head to STAR Labs? If he calls Iris and Linda now (or he might not have to since they all follow the #TeamFlash tag in order to get _any_ news of their friend), this would be the perfect, if unfortunate, moment to sit down and talk to Barry without him running.

 

            Joe sighs. “Go. I’ll make a excuse for Singh.”

 

            He sends the man a grateful smile. Eddie’s not entirely sure where Joe’s change of heart toward him came from, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He takes the car he and Joe came in, knowing Joe can catch a ride from someone else.

 

            Eddie yanks out his phone and swipes over Iris’ name. “Hey, babe. Barry’s at STAR Labs…. hopefully. He got shot at a robbery a few minutes ago.”   

 

“The one at the Gold Hotel Lunch Gala?”

 

“That very one, yeah.”

 

“Well, there’s that intervention you’ve been looking for,” she says, sounding far away and probably talking to Linda. “We’ll be there in about thirty, we still need to pay.”

 

“I’ll meet you guys there. Drive safely.”

 

“Linda’s driving,” she replies. “ _You_ drive safely.”

 

He grins and hangs up, gripping the steering wheel with two hands. He’s not entirely sure what he’s suppose to do when he makes it to STAR Labs, what he’s going to see, or what he’s going to say to Barry when he’s patched up.

 

To be completely honest, he and Barry never had much interaction before the Singularity Event, but he likes to think that each one of them had counted, especially the one with Hannibal Bates involved. There’s always been something about Barry, which is why he didn’t fight the feelings between Iris and him (except that one time, but that was only because Barry had actually made Iris uncomfortable). Eddie’s always been open to different kind of relationships, probably stemming from his childhood issues and being scared he’d never find anyone so he opened himself up to everything and anything, and when he met Iris he thought she was the One.

 

Which she still might be, the One, but the more he got to know Barry—.

 

He shakes his head, pulling into the STAR Labs parking lot. Now is not the time to be thinking of those kinds of things. He and Iris only talked about it a little bit, and Barry’s not in the right mindset to be open to that.            

 

Eddie pulls out his keycard and scans it over the first door. It beeps and opens, letting him into the employee entrance. None of them use the lobby, half of it still has rubble in it from when it caved in during the particle accelerator explosion. Another swipe of his card at the elevator takes him to the floor with the cortex, but he has to scan his card again before the doors will open.

 

Extra security never did anyone harm, did it?

 

The cortex is silent, minus the fast beeping of Barry’s heart. It’s slower than usual. He’s asleep, unconscious, on the medical bed. Eddie walks past Caitlin and Cisco to stand over his friend, taking in how terrible he looks. There’s a deep slice on his nose, a bruise appearing from his hairline, his skin is white and waxy with deep bags under his eyes. Eddie can’t help but run a thumb across them, his skin paper-thin.

 

“Along with GSW,” Caitlin says. “He’s got a concussion, the skull’s not cracked, but the skin broke. His nose is broken, he bruised his spleen, his pinkie finger is healed wrong, and he’s got scaring.”

 

“He’s supposed to heal before the scarring starts.” He glances over to see Caitlin shake her head, tablet in hand.

 

“We’ve already established he’s incredibly malnourished. The stress on his body and mind along with not getting what he needs to keep himself going has slowed him down enough that injuries aren’t healing properly, hence the scars.” Caitlin bites her lip, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m hoping we can talk some sense into him today, this is the first time we’ve been in the same room for longer than five minutes.”

 

Eddie sighs. “Tell me about it. I already called Iris, she’s at lunch with Linda so they’re both on their way.” He traces his fingers along the patch of scars on his shoulders. “So no one knows what happened before the singularity opened? “

 

“No,” Cisco says. “One minute Barry’s talking to Eobard, ready to run, and the next the singularity is opening above the city and Eobard is gone.”

 

[ _“Barry, what happened?”_

 

_He’s dazed, staggering around. His eyes meet Eddie’s head on, tears dripping down his face. There’s a split in his lip, in his eyebrow, a bruise around his throat. “I don’t know,” he croaks out, not taking his eyes off Eddie, trailing down his face to stare at his chest. Eddie resists the urge to cross his arms in front of him, Stein’s coincidence speech still running through his mind._

 

_“I don’t know.”_ ]                                                        

 

Barry groans, eyelashes fluttering. Eddie’s there when green eyes open, blinking sluggishly. “E-Eddie—.”

 

“Iris and Linda will be here in a minute,” he says, rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder with a thumb. Getting shot is never fun. “We have a very important talk waiting for us, don’t we?”

 

His eyes slip close, frowning. “Y-Yeah, I guess we do.”

 

Eddie matches his frown. “I want to say we can hold off on it, but, to be honest, I don’t trust you not to run.”

 

Barry grimaces. “P-Probably a good idea.”

 

**[…]**

 

Linda scans her ID instead of Iris, the other woman’s hands shaking so much she’s fumbling awkwardly for her card. They head to the elevator, looping their arms together.

 

            “I don’t know what to say,” Iris comments quietly. “What am I suppose to say as an opening line?” She glances over at Linda. “Is it right to pry information out of him when he’s still so obviously fragile?”

 

            She shrugs. “Let’s wait to find out. There’s a few ways this can go.” The elevator starts going up. “He could ignore all of this and run and we’ll repeat the last two months for another two months. He could breakdown and start telling us everything. He could promise to stop avoiding us, but not tell us anything. Mix and combine any of the above then possibly cry.”

 

            Iris snorts. “That’s not comforting at all.”

 

            Linda pats her hand then scans her ID. The doors open up to the corridor the cortex. It’s disturbingly silent except for the heart monitor. Linda lets Iris go so she can walk ahead, her footsteps purposeful. Eddie’s at the bed, hovering over Barry with one hand in the speedster’s hair and the other fiddling with the blanket; Iris comes up, taking Eddie’s hand, tangling their fingers together, resting her other on Barry’s leg.

 

            “Hey, Linda.”

 

            She smiles at Cisco. “Hey. How’s the hand?”

 

            He shows her the bandage, cleaner than the one she saw this morning when he texted a picture of what he did. “I told Caitlin about it, everything that’s been going on.”

 

            “What’d she say to that?”

 

            Cisco waves a hand. “I recorded the conversation, granted the first word is cut off, but it’s actually pretty interesting. I’ll show it to you later, promise.”

 

            “There’s a good man,” she says with a smile. She wraps an arm around his shoulders. She’s still a little annoyed at Barry for stringing her along while they dated, though she does believe he did like her, he just didn’t love her as much as he loves Iris. But she did get great new friends out of all of this, so she’s not complaining too much.

 

            Caitlin hands her a tablet with a list of Barry’s current injuries and what she can gleam about his old ones. Half of them she already knew mostly to twitter and tumblr, but some are new information.  Linda can’t help but wince at the long list. She distinctly remembers a tweet saying the Flash fell out of a tree two weeks ago when trying to catch a runaway cat. Apparently the accompanying crunch sounded painful and the Flash screamed out right, but he never showed up to STAR Labs or any of their places.

 

            They all took a seat, rolling their chairs so they’re surrounding Barry’s bed. He eyes them warily, his expression full of guilt and regret.

 

            Iris speaks first, putting a hand on his arm. “Barry, you’ve been worrying us. You don’t have to tell us what’s going on,” she admits. “But I really want you to promise you’ll start taking better care of yourself and _talk_ to us.”

 

            He shakes his head slightly. “I can’t,” he whispers.

 

            “Why not?” Eddie asks. “Why can’t you actually start finding joy in your heroics anymore? Why can you come have a beer with your friends, sleep for more than however long you sleep, why can’t you actually relax in your apartment? What happened during the Singularity Event?” Obviously he has no qualms of asking what Iris had been avoiding.

 

            Barry sobs quietly, covering his face with his free, uninjured arm. “I can’t,” he just repeats.

 

            “Care-Bear, listen.” Iris leans over, gripping his wrist lightly and pulling down his hand. “You _don’t_ have to tell us.”

 

            Eddie rubs the back of his neck, looking like a kicked puppy.. “You really don’t,” he offers, quietly, sheepish. “We just want out friend back. We want you to be happy again. I don’t know what made you lose that, but we want you to help you get it back.” He touches Barry’s cheek gently.

 

Linda blinks at the gesture, it never really occurred to her to think of Eddie in this convoluted situation of Iris, Barry, Eddie, at least, not as some one who might come out all right. Maybe she should change that. She leans forward to catch Barry’s attention. She smiles softly when she does. “We’re not asking much,” she says. “We’re just asking for the chance to make you happy again.”

 

“You ask for that, but there’s a chance I could ruin your lives. It’s not like I haven’t already.”

 

Caitlin sighs. “What on earth are you talking about?” He just presses his lips together and shakes his head. “No more not getting your injuries check out, okay?” she compromises. “It’s going to take you twice as long to heal from these, and that’s after shoving a smoothie down your throat and the countless IVs.”

 

“And, dude, I have to make you a new suit,” Cisco says. “You’ve worn this one beyond it’s capabilities, and it was my last one.”

 

Barry squeezes his eyes shut and nods before shifting his body, hissing as he tries to sit up. Eddie presses a hand to his chest, trying to get him to lie back down. “Those robbers,” he says. “They were whammied.”

 

“’Whammied?’” Eddie repeats, raising an eyebrow.

 

He waves a hand near his face. “They’re being controlled. I got a look at all their eyes; they were ringed blue, all of them. Someone’s mind controlling them into robbing places. It’s why they have no priors and we only got two hits in IAFIS because of military records. I haven’t been able to figure out what the pattern is.”

 

“That’s why you have us,” Cisco reminds him. “Now stay there and let _papí_ do his thing.”

 

            “Don’t say that,” Linda says automatically. “You, of all people, obviously don’t go on the Internet often enough.”

 

            “ _Excuse_ me?” He puts an offended hand to his heart as he sits in front of the monitors. Thank God the building hadn’t been damaged during the singularity. “First of all, yes I do. Second of all, listen to what I said again: _papí_. Not that other one, completely different.”

 

            “If you say so.”

 

            Barry struggles to get up again despite both Eddie and Iris holding him down. “Cisco—.”

 

            “Nuh-uh.” He points his finger at their resident superhero. “You don’t get to move. _You_ are going to let _me_ do my computer thing while _I_ am going to let _you_ rest. And you better do it before Eddie and Iris go gray.”

 

            Linda glances at the couple and resists the laughter bubbling up at their twin-concerned expressions. Oh, she’s definitely including Eddie into the situation, equation now.

 

**[…]**

 

Nothing changes overnight; nothing changes over the next few days either. Two more robberies happen that the Flash stopped, no major injuries reported this time, thank God. Though he’s probably still sore from the gunshot and the concussion.

 

            Not that Eddie would know, Barry still doesn’t talk to him. The only thing that’s different is Eddie actually sees him drop food off on his and Joe’s desk instead of just sparks of lightning. It feels weird having him buy Eddie food all the time, especially since he won’t let him pay him back.

 

            This time Iris drops by before Barry gets the chance to pull his ‘I’m feeling guilty for something so let me say sorry with food,’ a bag of Chinese takeaway in hand. His mouth waters at the smell, fresh and hot. He’s hungry enough to forgo his nitpicking of food touching.

 

            “You eat yet?” she asks, already hooking a chair with her ankle and pulling it close.

 

            He shakes his head. “Nope. Food doesn’t usually appear ‘til one.” He takes one of the offered cartons, popping it open and grabbing a fork. He watches Iris dig in with a pair of chopsticks; envious of the way she juggles them gracefully. The number of times he’s successfully used chopsticks outweighs the number of times he’s fail to the point where he knows the wins are a zero and the fails he’s lost count of long ago. “You’re amazing,” he tells her.

 

            She smiles prettily at him, eyes crinkling closed. “I know.”

 

            “Did you bring me food too?” Joe asks, walking up, smiling.

 

            “Maybe,” Iris answers, teasingly waving another carton. “Only if you can drag Barry down here to join us.”

 

            Joe rolls his eyes, but he slaps his file on his desk and takes the stairs two at a time up to the labs. Iris takes a bite of chicken victoriously, her smile smug.

 

            Eddie steals a piece of her food, just to bring her down a notch. She glares at him and smacks his hand away, but not fast enough to keep him from popping a piece of chicken in his mouth. He smirks and she sticks her tongue out.

 

            “I come bearing best friend,” Joe announces. “I demand food as a reward.”

 

            Eddie glances up from Iris’ very distracting lips to see Barry shuffling behind Joe, still looking as pale as ever. He smiles wobbly at the two of them, waving ever-so-slightly.

 

            Iris tosses her dad the carton she bought for him and he takes it to his desk, flipping open the file he’s been going through and ignoring them pointedly. Seriously, Eddie really wants to know where the change of heart came from. As soon as they walked out of STAR Labs after regrouping after Barry closed the singularity Joe’s attitude was completely different. He has a feeling if he asked for Joe’s blessing to marry his daughter once again, he might just get a yes out of it.

 

            Eddie swings out Brad’s chair for Barry, toeing it closer to the speedster. “Hungry?”

 

            Barry rubs his arm awkwardly and shrugs. He takes the offered carton anyway, plopping down in Brad’s chair with a huff. “Thank you,” he mumbles.

 

            “How much have you eaten in the last two days?” Iris asks.

 

            He presses his lips together and wiggles his nose before he answers with a semi-hopeful, “I had lunch yesterday?”

 

“Is that it?”

 

“Er, that’s the only official full meal,” he adds. “I’ve snacked on things. Singh brought me breakfast, kinda. It was oatmeal? Really good oatmeal.”

 

Eddie chokes on his foot. “Singh brought you food?”

 

Barry nods. “Yeah. I thought it was weird too, he didn’t even say a word. Just dropped a Tupperware on my desk and left. I think Rob made it. I think he likes me.”

 

“Well, you are very likable,” Iris points out.

 

His face flushes and he adverts his eyes. “Did you guys find out anything else about the metahuman that’s been controlling our innocent people?” It’s a painful change of subject. He snorts with a hint of self-deprecation. “Because I sure haven’t.”

 

“Nope, nothing at Picture News,” Iris says. “Linda’s been using some of her contacts to find a connection. Cisco’s been checking the CCTV with the facial recognition software Felicity installed to see if we can find a time each group’s crossed paths. Maybe they got whammied at the same time.”

 

“911 at Silver and Gold Pawn Shop on 17th.”

 

Then Barry’s gone, the chair spinning and his carton of food three-fourths full. Eddie drops his on his desk, grabbing his jacket and kissing Iris good-bye before he and Joe follow the Flash out the building at a significantly slower pace.

 

“We really need to figure out what’s going on,” Joe says, exasperated.

 

“No kidding.”

 

Joe drives and Eddie checks the #TeamFlash tag for any updates about what’s going on. There’s only two tweets about it right now, but more are sure to come when the Flash finally does show up. Two people, one shop, two guns between them.

 

Eddie shoves his phone back in his pocket and glances out the window. A flash of blue catches his eye, he turns to follow it past, but there’s nothing there when he focuses.

 

“You okay?”

 

He shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah. Just a blue car.” When he looks to the pedestrians going by he does a double take when he sees a blue and black clad figure standing near a crosswalk, their mostly covered face turned to the car as Eddie and Joe go by. He blinks and they’re gone. “Did you see that?”

 

“See what?”

 

Okay, stupid question. Joe’s the one driving; he’s not paying attention to individual people. Of course he didn’t notice the weird figure. In blue. Like the robbers who have been whammied.

 

Maybe?

 

They come up the pawnshop with the robbers already tied up, but no Flash in sight. Eddie pushes back the worry trying to curl in his chest. Joe goes to the uniformed officers who arrived earlier since they were closer. Eddie snags a bystander’s attention, waving a hand toward her. The woman smiles brightly at him.

 

“You’re Detective Thawne,” she exclaims, clapping her hands together.

 

Eddie blinks at her in surprise, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. “Yes,” he answers slowly. “I am.”

 

She blushes. “I’m sorry, I’ve seen you on the news. You’re usually there when the Flash is.” She twists a finger in her hair. “Sorry. Did you need my statement?”

 

“I actually have a much weirder question,” he says. “But when that’s over Officer Johnson will be more than happy to take your statement for the robbery.” She nods her head for him to continue. “Did you happen to see which way the Flash went after he took care of the robbers?”

 

Her eyes widen. “Uh, that way.” She points to the left. “And it wasn’t just the robbers. There was someone else here. I think he was controlling them.” She dances her fingers in the air like a puppeteer. “Ya know, controlling?  The Flash went after him, grabbing him and just disappeared. That way.” And she points again to the left.

 

“Thank you,” he says sincerely, dread curling in his stomach. He turns heel and jogs back to Joe, calling his name. “I think we’ve got who’s been doing this,” he says. “The Flash went after him. He’s some kind of puppet master.”

 

A flash of worry flickers across Joe’s face. “Do we know how he gains initial control?”

 

“No, and that’s the bad part.” He pulls out his phone. “I’m going to make some calls,” he says, giving Joe a pointed look. Hopefully Joe gets he doesn’t want to say Caitlin and Cisco’s names out loud in front of someone who’s not in the loop.

 

**[…]**

 

Caitlin hasn’t been having a very good couple of months, hell, she can make the argument she hasn’t been having a very good couple of years. She twists her wedding ring around her finger as she stares at the data crawling across the screen. Thank God Ronnie can fly, because while he’s getting information from around the world, it doesn’t take him long to come home—which she wants him to do so very much right now.

 

            She swipes through another set of notes, eyebrows furrowing and biting her lip. None of this is doing her much good minus the fact there are apparently more metahumans out there than she thought, which means the particle accelerator didn’t cause them. Jake Simmons was proof of that.

 

            She jumps when the Ghostbusters theme song starts blaring. She glances over at Cisco as he fumbles for his cellphone. He grins at her before answering it on speaker.

 

“Eddie, what’s up?”

 

            “I need facial recognition for Barry,” the detective says in a rush. “He went after the metahuman on his own. I’ve got a witness describing him as a puppeteer, but I don’t know how he’s controlling them or how he gets initial control.”

 

            “This could be Bivolo all over again,” Caitlin comments. She abandons her data scrolling to wheel over to the monitors just as Cisco accesses the system. “Barry still doesn’t have a uniform, what is he planning on doing about his secret identity?”

 

            “Question of the hour,” Cisco mutters.

 

            “The question of the hour is where the hell is Barry?” Eddie says. “He’s still looking off.”

 

            “Eddie, maybe I should do a speed dial to Ronnie,” Caitlin suggests.

 

            “Sorry, Ronnie’s definitely not going to get her fast enough, even if he’s in Keystone,” he replies. “I have a gun, I’ll be fine.”

 

            Cisco freezes for some reason, his eyes widening. “Eddie—.”

 

            “I’ll be _fine._ Did you find Barry?”

 

            She shakes her head even though he can’t see her. “No, he might still be running. We can’t pick up a face if he’s going too fast to actually see it.”

 

            Eddie makes a frustrated noise. “Where could he be taking this guy?” There’s a loud honk on the other line.

 

            “You okay?”

 

            “Yeah, some jackass in a blue car just cut in front of me. Hey, can you check the CCTV outside Silver and Gold Pawn? The witness said he was standing outside making puppeteer motions with his hands. Can you run facial rec for him?”

 

            Caitlin pulls up another search, leaving Barry to Cisco. She shifts through a few different angles before she comes to the camera feed pointing to the opposite sidewalk from the pawn shop. It takes a second for her to find the right time and start running the guy’s face through facial rec. He’s not even using a countermeasure to keep people from knowing who he is.

 

            “Name’s Benjamin Woods, 42. He’s a puppet maker who was at his shop putting on a show when the Particle Accelerator went off,” Caitlin rattles off. “His mom is at a home with dementia. She started deteriorating last month, but Alva Tech has created a new experimental procedure that’s supposed to help. It costs a lot more money than Woods has in his savings.”

 

            “That explains so much,” Eddie says.

 

            Cisco growls in frustration. “Where are you, Barry?” he mumbles. One click and he’s cheering. “Got it!” His expression falters. “Oh shit. Seriously?”'

 

            “What is it?” Cisco doesn’t answer him. Caitlin leans over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow. “ _Cisco.”_

 

“There’s no point in driving,” he says. “CCTV sees him exiting the Verdant with Thea. Looks like he dropped Woods off so he can be put on Lian Yu.”

 

            This time Eddie swears. “Is _that_ what he did to the other three metahumans? Have you even been to Lian Yu before?”

 

            “Actually, yeah, we have,” Caitlin answers. “It’s run by ARGUS. They apparently started building it during Oliver’s last year on the island after the rumors of a vigilante in Gotham surfaced. They’re much better equipped for containment and rehabilitation than us, especially when Lyla asked for some specs on the pipeline units after they were forced to bring Jake Simmons here.” There’s a disapproving silence on the other line and she can’t tell what he’s upset about. “Eddie?”

 

            He clears his throat. “I’m going to give Thea a call. We don’t know if Barry was whammied or not. See if you can get a hold of him. He’ll either need to go to the Labs or the CCPD.”

 

            Neither of them get to say anything in affirmation before he hangs up. They exchange looks.

 

            “I definitely don’t want to be the fly on the wall for _that_ discussion,” Cisco comments. She sees him send a text to Laurel out of the corner of her eye. “Giving her a fair warning. Thea doesn’t even look at texts when she’s on a call.”

 

            “True.” She hesitates, pushing her hair behind her ear. “I now Barry’s been in a funk, but is it really that bad he would’ve tell us he’s keeping the metahumans at Lian Yu?”

 

            Cisco scratches the back of his head, shrugging. “I don’t know,” he says slowly. “But you have to admit, it’s not a bad idea. I mean, Lyla has a fully trained team of psychologists to help out, enough trained soldiers to create her own invading army, the pipeline specs, and the isolation they need incase anyone gets out of their cell. It’s everything we should have been, we might have been if Harrison Wells had actually been Harrison Wells.”

 

            Caitlin worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “I don’t like this.”

 

            “Neither do I.”

 

**[…]**

 

“Barry! Have you gone home yet?” Laurel glances up from her book to see Thea stomping down the stairs. “ _Barry!_ I know you’re here. Laurel’s not picking up the papers you always blow to the ground.” The younger woman turns her glare to Laurel, but it softens quickly. “Did you see where Barry went?”

 

            “He went out for pizza with Roy,” she answers. “What’s up?”

 

            She scowls. “I just got off the phone with Eddie. A _very_ annoyed Eddie. Turns out we’re not just seeing things, Barry has been off lately.”

 

            “Explains why he’s been hanging here more often,” Laurel says, setting her book to the side. “And why he’s _walking_ to get pizza instead of running.” She rubs her face, the late nights are definitely catching up with her now. “I’m surprise he’s eating.”

 

            “No kidding.” Thea plops down in an empty chair. “Eddie wants to make sure Barry didn’t get ‘whammied’ by the guy he brought in, he’s a puppeteer.”

 

            She groans. “Just what we need. I heard horror stories about the whole Flash vs. Arrow fight last year. I really don’t want to deal with the Flash at his best.”

 

            “Are you implying he’s never at his best?” Dig says suddenly, appearing out of fucking _nowhere_.

 

            Thea jumps in her seat. “Jesus Christ, Dig. Warn a woman.”

 

            “And where is the fun in that?” He smiles at them. “Barry’s here?” He glances meaningfully at the empty uniform holder.

 

            “The last one got ruined. Bullet holes do that,” Laurel says. “Cisco’s making him a new one. A couple new ones.”

 

            “Hm.” He leans against the table, crossing his arms. “What do we know about Darrell Johnson?”

 

            Laurel rolls her eyes, swinging around to face the computers. “Small time arms dealer? Yeah, useless. He’s at the bottom of the food chain.”

 

Thea continues with, “You take him out it doesn’t affect anything else at all. We can throw him in jail to keep him from tempting any the equally small time thugs, but that’s most of what it’s going to do.”

 

Dig frowns and takes a deep breath, his chest heaving. “Great, let’s do that.”

 

Laurel grins. “Already on it.” She checks her watch. “They should be back any minute now.”

 

“Seriously?” Thea says, laughing. “I thought they were getting pizza?”

 

“And Johnson. Win/Win, I think. Food and bad guy.”

 

Dig shakes his head. “Iris called me yesterday. Barry’s worse off than we thought. He’s running himself ragged saving as many people in his own city as possible and he’s been helping us without letting anyone on his team know. Barry being off is an understatement.”

 

The door slams open and Roy and Barry come down the stairs, a stack of pizzas in their arms. Laurel counts them silently, frowning when she realises there’s only six of them. That’s the standard number for their team. Roy, Laurel, Thea, Dig, and sometimes Ray when he can pull himself away from Palmer Tech. It’s ten when Oliver and Felicity are involved. It should be fifteen with Barry here and all his running, but it’s not.

 

In fact, when they all dig in she realises Barry only takes half a pizza for himself. He should be taking more. They’ve all been informed of Barry’s metabolism in case it would be relevant to team ups.

 

“Eddie wants to know if you got whammied by the puppeteer,” Thea says suddenly.

 

Barry jerks out his thoughts, pizza hanging from his mouth. “Wha?”

 

“Witness says the guy mind controls people,” Thea says slowly. “Eddie wants to make sure you’re not being controlled.”

 

“Well, considering I have no idea how he gains control, I can’t confirm or deny that he has control over me. I didn’t look him in the eye, though, so that has to count for something, right?” His eyes are wide, pleading almost. “I don’t have blue rings around my eyes, do I? They did.”

 

Thea leans forward, peering carefully at his face before she nods. “You’re clean.” She sits back and rolls her chair closer. “Does this mean you want to tell us what’s going on?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Apparently something’s been going with you for awhile now,” Laurel says. He presses his lips together and looks away. “Are you getting the same questions from your team too? Is that why you’re here right now? To avoid them? They’re probably a little upset you didn’t tell them about Lian Yu and you helping us sometimes.” Barry glances at her for a brief second then looks away just as quickly. “Why are you eating half a pizza?”

 

He scowls. “Because I’m hungry.”

 

“Then you should be eating more than that.”

 

Barry growls and jumps to his feet with a flash of lightning. “I really wish everyone would stop seeing if I’m okay. Obviously I’m _not_ and _obviously_ I’m not talking, why can’t you leave me alone about it?

 

Roy follows him to standing. “Because we’re your _friends_ ,” he all but shouts. “And _you’re not_ _Oliver.”_ Barry backs down slightly, blinking. “And I know you’ve had your hang ups with Iris and Eddie, but they love you as much as you love them.”

 

Barry narrows his eyes. “Thanks for the pizza, Roy. I’m going head home now.” He glances at Thea and Laurel. “Call me if you need me.” He nods to Dig them he’s off in a burst of lightning, papers rushing to the ground.

 

Thea huffs. “That could’ve gone better.”

 

“Really?” She sticks her tongue out at Dig. He turns a pointed look toward Roy. “You could’ve said that better.”

 

Roy groans, sinking back to his seat. “Don’t need to tell me that.”

 

**[…]**

 

“Eddie, I’m home!” Iris drops her purse on the small table in the foyer and slides of his boots. “Babe?”

 

“In the kitchen!”

 

She grins and heads in that direction where her boyfriend—soon to be fiancé if she can convince him it’s worth the trouble—is cooking something delicious smelling over the stove. She wraps her arms around his waist from behind, pressing her face against his back. “Whatcha making?”

 

“Steak tips and rice, broccoli, the works. How was your day?”

 

“Other than the three most important men in my life running off during our lunch, uneventful.” She untangles herself from him and leans against the counter. “So we got the bad guy,” she says. “Most uneventful catch ever.”

 

Eddie snorts. “Tell me about it.”

 

Iris takes his free hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles, smiling at the way his breathing hitches. His hands are always a pretty sensitive part of him. “We haven’t had much alone time lately. Tension’s been a little too high.” She grins and slides up on the counter, inching her legs apart with a sly smile. “How about we fix that?”

 

He laughs lightly and reaches over to turn off the stove, taking the pan off the burner. “How can I say no to that?” Eddie moves so he’s between her legs, hands on her hips. He brushes a kiss lightly against her lips, sucks a light hickey on her jaw line before nosing his way to her collar bone.

 

She groans and lets her head fall back, clutching his shoulder. “Is this how you say yes?” Goose bumps prickle on her skin, his kisses alternating between feather like and toe curling. He hums against her neck making her giggle. “Eddie—,” she groans softly.

 

Eddie’s hands inch under her shirt, then then he freezes. Iris curls her fingers tightly for a brief moment, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. She brings her head back up, glancing down at him. His head’s bowed, shoulders shaking.

 

“Babe, you okay?” She shoves lightly against his shoulder, pushing him back so she can look at his face. He meets her eyes, but she can’t see anything different minus a slight blank haze. “Eddie?” She snaps her fingers in front of his face. He doesn’t even twitch. She grabs his chin and tilts his head up a bit. “Eddie, you’re scaring me.”

 

His whole body shudders, his head cocks to the side, and that’s when Iris sees it. She gasps at the blue ring around his eyes, a lighter blue than normal and shimmering unnaturally.

 

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.” She reaches down to yank out his phone from his pocket, regretting leaving hers in her purse. Eddie still doesn’t move. She fumbles for Barry’s number, praying he answers. “Pick up, pick up,” she mutters. It rings out. “Damnit.”

 

She drops her phone and cups Eddie’s face with her hands, forcing him to look up and meet her eyes. They’re drifting somewhere to her left, his hands twitching against her hip. “Eddie, hey, look at me.” His gaze drifts even further. “Babe, come on.”

 

Eddie’s phone buzzes next to her hip and she answers it without looking at the caller ID and with a curt, “West.”

 

“You didn’t leave a voicemail,” Barry says in a rush. “You always leave a voicemail. What’s wrong?”

 

She lets out a shaky breath. “Something’s wrong with Eddie. He’s not responding to me.”

 

“Is there a ring of blue around his eyes?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah there is.”

 

He swears loudly, something crashing in the background of line. “Give me ten seconds.”

 

Iris breathes through her nose and slowly out through her mouth. “Barry, wha—?” He hangs up with a click then silence. She yanks the phone away and glares at the screen. “You know, he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes,” she tells Eddie. “Even more than usual lately.”

 

            The front door bangs open and Barry’s standing in the kitchen, eyes wide and chest heaving. “What happened?” he demands.

 

            “How am I suppose to know?” she snaps back, narrowing her eyes. “I thought you caught the ass that was doing this?”

 

            “So did I,” he exclaims. “This doesn’t make any sense. I even went back to ARGUS to make sure they still had him in their custody.” He reaches and grabs Eddie’s shoulder, pulling him away from Iris. She follows her boyfriend, sliding off the counter. He peers closely into his eyes, frowning. “Eddie, can you hear me?”

 

            Eddie just blinks.

 

            “Okay, okay.” Barry runs a hand through his hair. “We’ll take him to STAR Labs. Have Caitlin take a look at him, Cisco can go through CCTV to see if Eddie’s run into the metahuman in the last week or so.” He moves to pick him up when Iris puts up a hand to stop him. “Iris.”

 

            “I’m going to take him,” she says, her chest burning in an anger she can’t even begin to pick through. “I’m going to take him to STAR Labs _alone_ and you can either run ahead like you’ve been doing for the last few months or you can run along side the car to make sure who ever is controlling him doesn’t hurt me.” She doesn’t regret what she says, even when Barry flinches. “Deal?”

 

            He adverts his eyes from her, focusing on a piece of the fake tile peeling near the bottom of the island. “Deal,” he mumbles, matching perfectly to the imagined of a kicked puppy.

 

**[…]**

 

The sensors beep and Iris’ picture pops up on the monitor, the chip Cisco’s eating pauses halfway in his mouth and he debates whether he should put the chip down or continue eating it. As his computer tells him the elevator is moving he shrugs and eats the chip, going for another one. He turns around to greet his friends and ends up jumping to his feet.

 

            “Caitlin!” he shouts, running over to grab Eddie’s other side. “Help!”  He vaguely wonders why Barry isn’t helping and just following behind like a lost puppy. Iris and him take Eddie over to a medical bed, sitting him down. “Eddie, what happened?”

 

            “He’s not going to answer,” Iris says. She launches into an explanation when Caitlin rushes in. Barry paces in the widest part of the cortex, running a hand through his hair. “We need to figure out when Eddie ran into this guy—.”

 

            “Benjamin Woods.”

 

            She nods. “We need to figure out when Eddie had contact with Benjamin Woods and how the hell he can control him all the way from Starling City. His range can’t be that big if he was across the street when Barry got him.”

 

            “There’s a convenience store across from Eddie’s apartment,” Barry mutters. He doesn’t look at them when everyone’s attention turns to him. He rubs his temples, closing his eyes. “If it’s the same thing as everyone else then whoever is control Eddie must’ve been close by. They still might be. Check CCTV for thirty minutes ago and see if anyone is there.” When no one says anything he glances up at them. “What?”

 

            “Nice to see you willing to work with us,” Iris says. Barry winces, but doesn’t say anything in reply. “Cisco, can you try?”

 

            He nods and cracks his fingers. “Yeah, let me get to that.” He goes back to his computers as Iris goes to Eddie, Caitlin shining a light in his eyes.

 

            “His pupils are equally responsive to light,” she comments. She presses two fingers to his neck, focusing on her watch. “And his pulse is even.” She snaps her fingers in front of his eyes, but he doesn’t react. “We never dealt with any of the victims when they were still under control and no robbing places. I don’t know what to tell you. We could trying the light thing from Bivolo again, see if that snaps him out of it.”

 

            “Please,” Iris says.

 

            Cisco turns his attention to his computer, going to the CCTV database and typing in Eddie’s address. His address will pop up the camera in the apartment building’s lobby, but it’ll also give him the cameras in a one-mile radius. It’s easier than trying to find the exact address of the convenience store. Someone leans over his shoulder and he jerks slightly. He glances over to see Barry hovering there, watching the screen closely.

 

            He ignores his friend to focus on the video feeds. He rewinds the video until Eddie’s car pulls into  his spot the plays it at regular speed. Nothing exciting happens until Iris gets home and a few seconds later Barry’s pointing at the screen.

 

            “There, she looks familiar.”

 

            Cisco freezes the video on the woman leaning against a streetlight, watching the building. “Hey, Caitlin.” He waits for her to finish what she’s doing with the IV and Eddie’s arm before he says, “Didn’t Eddie say he talked to a female witness at the pawn shop robbery?”

 

            She frowns. “Yeah, he did.”

 

            He starts the video again, Iris comes out of the front door, heaving Eddie along, and Barry right behind. The woman follows them with her eyes, her head moving slightly in their direction as Iris and Eddie drive away. Barry disappears and her shoulders are shaking in possible laughter. She turns just enough for the camera to catch her face. Cisco pauses the video one more time to catch it.

 

            “I’ll run facial rec for her,” Cisco says. He glances at Eddie, shuddering at the unnervingly blank look in his eyes.

 

            “I’m going to do a perimeter check,” Barry says. “She might be around STAR in an attempt to control Eddie in here.” Cisco looks over just in time to see Barry glance at Eddie and Iris, shame and guilt washing over his expression. ”I’ll be right back.”

 

            “Be careful,” Iris says.

 

            Barry nods and takes off, blowing a few papers off the desk.

 

Caitlin sighs. “This isn’t going to end well.”

 

It’s an hour later when Barry comes back, breathing hard. Cisco frowns, he’s still not eating right or sleeping, is he? He’s not suppose to be so winded. He slaps a piece of paper on the empty space beside Cisco.

 

“She not around the building,” he says. “But what does this say to you?”

 

Cisco straightens out the wrinkles and analyses the diagrams on it. “Where did you get this?”

 

“I took a trip to the work shop Woods owned, where he made his puppets, to see if he had anything that would identify this woman. I found that, and this.” He pulls out a photo from his jeans. “I’m pretty sure she’s a puppet. The particle accelerator must’ve brought her to life. And if she’s not alive, then it gave her the ability to pass enough as human that it tricked _Eddie Thawne_.”

 

The photo is of Woods with a life-size female puppet, dark brunette hair and blue eyes. She’s on his lap and he has his arm around her waist. The time stamp is just an hour before the particle accelerator went off, half and hour before his show started. Barry takes the photo back, leaving the diagram and dimensions of the puppet on the desk.

 

“Eddie,” Barry says quietly. He holds the photo in front of him. “ _Eddie_.”

 

The detective moves suddenly, reaching for the photo. Barry jerks it away, but Eddie follows it off the bed. He grapples for the picture, Barry tries to shove him away, but something holds him back from actually taking him down or even just lightly restraining him.

 

“Eddie, stop!” Iris pleads. She grabs him, but he knocks her back. “Barry, stop him.”

 

There’s something pained in his expression as Barry jerks Eddie around and yanks his arms back. Eddie surges against the grip, struggling to get away.

 

Caitlin grabs a premade syringe. “Hold him still,” she says. “I definitely don’t want it breaking off in him.”

 

Barry pulls Eddie down and presses his knee against his back, making the detective stretch out and giving him less room to struggle. Caitlin pushes up his sleeve and swabs the spot before injecting the premade sedative. They may not work on many metahumans, but they do come in handy—the most recent situation to come to mind was when Caitlin got hit by Rainbow Raider and she wouldn’t calm down enough for them to flash her with the counter-lights.

 

He has to hold on for a little longer for the sedative to kick in, but it isn’t too long before Eddie sinks to the ground, his eyes fluttering shut. Iris crashes to the ground on her knees along side him, gripping the front of his shirt and hovering over him.

 

“An obsession?” Caitlin suggests. “She creates an obsession and he controls it?”

 

“That would explain why Eddie hasn’t gone violent or done anything beyond getting to her photo,” Cisco comments. Barry hasn’t moved from his position, still slightly hunched over to ease Eddie to the ground and his arms out. His eyes are wide and he’s staring at Iris and Eddie like its some kind of horror show. “Barry?”

 

Iris glances up at him and he chokes, covering his mouth with his hand and stumbling away. “You okay?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern. He doesn’t answer, turning away and leaning against a lone table. “Barry? You okay?” He puts a hand up, warding them off, and then doubles over to gag, dry heaving.  “Goddamnit, Barry, answer me. Are you okay?”

 

Caitlin ignores the warding hand and comes closer, both hands up as if Barry’s a wild animal. “Barry, she says softly. “I need you tell me what’s going on.”

 

He staggers away even more, knocking some medical instruments to the ground. “No, no,” he mumbles, waving his hand. “No. Just—I—Cisco,” he chokes out. Cisco stiffens in his seat, alert. “Find the puppet.”

 

Caitlin scowls. “Barry Allen, I swear to God—.”

 

“ _Cisco, please.”_

 

Iris glares. “This isn’t over.”

 

He gives her a pained look then glances away just as fast as he can run. Cisco licks his suddenly dry lips, the tension in the room, while always high these past few months, just skyrocketed. There had been some sort of trigger just now, but what exactly is was is a mystery.

 

            Cisco blinks and an image of Eddie on the ground, flat on his back, Iris over him, crying and pleading for him to _no, don’t, Eddie_ flashes through his mind. He resists the urge to gag like Barry just did, the image almost perfectly matching just a few seconds ago just with less blood, tears, and fucking _white._ No blood, no tears, and Eddie’s shirt is blue.

 

            He shakes his head then scans the photo into the computer to use as a reference for facial rec. Caitlin and Iris work to move Eddie’s ~~dead~~ weight onto the bed. They struggle for a second before Barry scrambles to help them, only touching Eddie to move him then letting go like he’s made of fire.

 

            He finds the CCTV footage from when Eddie talked to her in front of the pawnshop. There’s no point of physical contact between him and the puppet-woman-metahuman, so it must be in the eyes. The systems runs through a search, fast as can be, until it beeps for a diner two blocks down from the lab. The timestamp is two seconds ago for heading into the diner, so she should still be there.

 

            “I got her,” he announces. His hair goes crazy as Barry runs to his side for the address then runs out of the labs in a second. “Don’t look at her in the eye,” he shouts to him. He turns to Caitlin. “ _This_ is what’s not going to end well.”

 

**[…]**

 

She’s sitting in the back booth, facing the door, with the biggest burger they serve in front of her. She taps her nails systematically on the tabletop, that stupid happy tune that played every time before one of Ben’s shows. It’s annoying as hell, but she can’t get it out of her mind. Everything just stays in her mind now, soaking it up like a sponge to make her more human—she thinks. She’s not even sure exactly how she went from puppet to _this_ , but she’s a lot less upset about it than she probably should be.

 

            And now she’s waiting. Ben’s been taken by the Flash and she’s not devastated. But she’s gone so long with someone there, controlling her, that she’s not sure what to do now.

 

            “What should I call you?”

 

            She glances up and smiles at the handsome, tall man looking down at her. He doesn’t smile back, in fact he looks angry with her. He’s pale with dark shadows under his eyes; the purples and blue clash terribly with his pretty green eyes, but he’s still pretty, much prettier than good ol’ Benny.

 

            “I don’t know,” she answers truthfully. “He never gave me a name. I remember a lot from when I was just a puppet, but a name isn’t one of them. Babe, honey, sexy-whore, maybe, but no name I’d like to give anyone.” She gestures to the seat across from her. “My neck hurts from looking up at you.”

 

            He scowls for a moment before taking that seat, leaning back. He’s being a lot more gentlemanly than she thought he’d be considering she has his friend under her control and one of the people Ben forced into robbery shot him.

 

            “Inappropriate relations with a puppet,” he mutters. “That’s gross and violating.” He peers up at her. “I would recommend pressing charges now that you can be considered human, but I don’t know how well that will work. It’d take years to accommodate the laws for previously non-human beings. They’re still trying to get over the whole metahuman thing.”

 

            “Aren’t you going to take me to where you’ve taken Ben?” she asks, leaning forward. She hasn’t taken a bite of her food. Even though she’s been hungry for so many years now she hasn’t died from not eating and she’s not sure what eating will do to her considering she use to be made out of wood.

 

            He stares at her. “You have my friend under your control and, other than freaking out his girlfriend and everyone else he knows, I’m not sure you’re the bad guy here. Eddie’s the only one you’ve controlled since I took Woods. Why?”

 

            She leans against her hand. “I was a puppet for thirty years,” she says. “You suddenly give me life, but life under the thumb of a puppet master? I gain Ben the control and he’s the one that actually controls them. I create a slight obsession, but that’s it. Eddie can’t do anything terrible. I think.” She shrugs. “Maybe if I keep him long enough he can become a new puppet master, but I don’t know if it actually works considering I’ve never had the urge or chance to find out.”

 

            “What do you want?”

 

            “I don’t know,” she answers truthfully. “I don’t know how to let Eddie go. I don’t even know how I managed to gain control in the first place. The others, I think Ben let them go—by choice or not I don’t know. I know you don’t want to, but take me to him and I can try.”

 

            He mirrors her position, leaning on his hand. “I shouldn’t trust you,” he says.

 

            “No,” she agrees. “I’m not sure I should trust me either.”

 

            “I’ve been told I trust too much,” he continues. “You’re the type of person I’d trust. Smart, a sad backstory, a charming personality, an open expression, attractive. I knew people like that. I’ve let them into my life and people _died_.” He clears his throat. “People I _loved_ died.”

 

            “I don’t want to go to prison,” she says earnestly. “I don’t know who I am or who I could be. I don’t want to lose that chance before my life really starts.”

 

            He stares at her for a long moment before he nudges her plate back in front of her. “You gonna eat that?”

 

            She shakes her head. “I don’t know if I can.” She shrugs. “You can eat it, it looks like you need it more than me.”

 

            “I’m fine,” he says quickly.

 

            That makes her laugh. “I doubt it.” She grabs a knife, noticing that he doesn’t flinch. She cuts the burger in half and pushes the plate between then, one half towards him. “How about we share?” He hesitates before he takes one half and takes a bite. Juice drips down his hand and her stomach lets out a loud growl. “Do you trust me?”

 

            He swallows. “No, but I’m willing to give you a chance.”

 

            She smiles. “Thank you.”

 

            They finish the burger quickly between the two of them, her stomach feeling full for the first time ever. It’s a nice feeling, she decides, it’s a very good feeling indeed. He pays for the food, leaving a generous tip, and helps her from her seat.

 

            “You never told me your name,” she says. “I know you’re the Flash, but I want to know who you are.”

 

            “Barry Allen,” he says as they go onto the street.

 

            She pauses, thinking hard. “Alanna,” she says. “Alanna Bishop.”

 

            He smiles. “Nice to meet you, Alanna. After we get Eddie free from your control I’ll give you my friend Lyla’s number. She’s the director of ARGUS. She’ll get you everything you need to live a life.”

 

            “Thank you, Barry,” she says as sincerely as possible. She loops their arms together and she grins at the startled expression on his face. “You’re a lot nicer than the rumors say.”

 

            “There’s rumors about me?” he exclaims.

 

            She doesn’t answer, just smiles. For the first time in her very short life, Alanna feels like she knows what direction she’s going in.

 

**[…]**

 

The lab is pretty silent when Iris leans against the doorframe to watch Barry work. He’s not using his speed to run around like he usually does. She waits until he’s sitting in front of his computer to come over, the bag of Big Belly Burger swinging from her fingers.

 

            “Hey,” she says.

 

            He jerks up, eyes widen, before his expression softens in a smile. “Hey. How’s Eddie doing?” It’s a good look on him, she realises, a little closer to his dazzling smiles and something she doesn’t see nearly as often anymore.

 

            Iris pulls over a chair and plops down, sliding down in a totally undignified manner. “He’s exhausted, but good. His migraine only lasted for a little while. Singh gave him the choice of no shift or late shift today. He was especially understanding when we told him it was triggered by a metahuman this time.”

 

            “That’s good.”

 

            She sets the bag to the side and straightens up. “It would’ve been better if you were there last night during his migraine.”

 

            He gives her a strange look. “No it wouldn’t,” he says. “I’ve never been there when he had a migraine. I’d probably just get in the way.”

 

            Iris shakes her head. “You would’ve helped me. I haven’t gotten use to it at all, seeing him in pain like that.” She touches his hand with the tips of her fingers, just the lightest touch. “I miss you, Barry.”

 

            Barry shifts to take her hand, squeezing softly, before pulling away. “Alanna is getting her GED,” he tells her. “ARGUS offered to get her a fake one, but she wanted to work for it herself. She’s thinking about being a social worker.”

 

            She gives him a small smile, disappointment curling in her chest. “I’m happy for her,” she says truthfully. “I really am, but you keep changing the subject and it needs to stop.” She reaches over to yank his chair around so they’re facing each other. “Barry, you were slow enough to get _shot_. You look like you’re going to keel over any moment. I know Cisco and Caitlin haven’t really said anything to you, mostly because you don’t give them a chance, but you’re slowly losing the greatest friends you’ve ever had.” She ducks down so she can look him in the eye. “You’re slowly losing _me.”_

 

            His gaze flickers up. “Iris—.”

 

            “No,” she cuts off. “I want you to make a decision right now. You can tell me you want nothing to do with us and that will be it, we’ll cut you out as much as you’ve cut us out. _Or_ you can tell me that you’ve made a mistake and now you want to fix it, but you have to _actively_ fix it. You can’t say you want to fix it then do nothing expecting us to come to you every time we think you need the help and you can’t come to us only because you’re hurt. If you want to be our friend _you need to be our friend._ ”

 

            “I’ve only been trying to protect you,” he mumbles.

 

            “From what?”

 

            He drags a hand down his face to his neck, resting his hand there. “I want to fix this,” he says, voice steady and expression solid, not answering her question. Avoiding. She lets it slide this time, filing it away for later when they’re on better ground. “I’m sorry for these past two months. I can’t say I’ll be able to do it right away, but I don’t want to lose any of you.”

 

            Something loosens in her chest and she smiles brightly. “Thank God,” she says. “I was worried I was going to have to bring in the cavalry.” She looks back behind her, knowing Barry’s following her line of sight, where her dad and Eddie are standing. Eddie’s still pale from last night, the faintest remnants of pain around his eyes, but he’s good and _so_ not working today.

 

            Barry groans. “Forreal? Worried dad and puppy dog blue? That’s what your weapons were? I had no chance.” But he smiles at her, that same soft smile so close to dazzling. “Do you wanna go out to dinner tonight?” he asks. “You too, Eddie? Make it step one?”

 

            She lets her smile grow. “We’d love to.”

 

**[[…]]**

 

The Flash is frozen, moving at a snail’s pace. He’s so _slow_ right now. He can’t believe the Flash, Fastest Man Alive, use to be that slow. He itches to curl his hand around his throat, but he holds off. No, this isn’t the right time. Despite everything he’s seen and everything Barry’s done, too many people love him to make him go away. The point of this was to protect people from the Flash, not cause them more pain.

 

            “Oh, _Flash_. And people call you the Fastest Man Alive, but they haven’t seen me. Hello, _old friend_. I’ve so been looking forward to this. You have no idea how much I’ve had to go through to get to this point. But not yet. No. I’ve been patient. I can wait a little longer. You deserve a little more suffering than that after everything you did. Barry, I can’t wait to meet you face to face.”

 

            The Flash is starting to turn toward him, slowly—hilarious in his slowness. He glances back at the puppets shooting and grins. Well, looks like Barry’s been distracted enough.

 


End file.
